Why Make the Decision to Adopt?

Why Make the Decision to Adopt

For years I have heard so many of my friends, family, and random people throw out statements like these.
“We’ve always wanted to adopt.”
“Some day soon we plan to adopt.”
“I have always wanted to adopt, but it’s too expensive.” 
Truth is. I said all of those and more myself. Honestly, adoption is one of the most beautiful and scary things you can ever do in your life. Why make the decision to adopt when you can just talk about it some day happening? It doesn’t take any effort to say someday. The real challenge is to start that process. Even if you don’t know if you are completely ready. Because honestly, when are you ever “Ready” to bring a child into your home, biological or adopted. There are always unknowns and fears and doubts. But it is worth pushing through those feelings to begin the beautiful and hard journey of adoption.

Today, two years ago, I was sitting in a gym watching my boys in their gymnastics tumbling class. I had befriended a few other moms there. One in particular was sitting closest to me and our conversation gave me chills as I realized it was time to stop talking and start the journey of adoption. 


As always, when people saw my three boys at the time, I got the question if we would be “Trying” for a girl. My response was usually the same. “Oh! We ‘tried’ three times for a girl! I think at this point we would have to adopt to guarantee a girl!” (I blame my husband for all this testosterone! HA!) My fellow gym mom immediately responded, “Oh! You totally should! My Social Worker is begging for adoptive families! There are so many kids who won’t have a family for Christmas right here in Detroit.” She then proceeded to open up to tell me that her daughters were not her biological children. They were her nieces. Two sweet and adorable girls. Full of life and spunk. They had the most horrific start to life. The neglect of parents who put themselves first. And now… Now they are safe. They have a family. This single lady who had no children, bravely opened up her heart and home and fought for these babies. And signed on for life to love and fight for them. And she was about to do it again. Not for a family member this time. But for a complete stranger. She had seen the desperate need. And she couldn’t do nothing. 

I had tears in my eyes as I listened to her story.
It was hard. It was emotional. It was beautiful. It was challenging.
I immediately called my husband as soon as I got in the car. Through my tears I repeated the story. And while we both had dreamed about adopting someday…that day we both decided that someday was never coming. Unless we decided to start the journey. 

The statistics for foster care and children waiting for adoption in the United States alone was staggering. 
415,129 children were in foster care on September 30th, 2014
107,918 children were waiting to be adopted on September 30th, 2014 (*resource)

What about the cost? I discovered that adopting a child from the Foster System costs almost nothing. In most cases, all adoption fees are paid and even reimbursed by the state when adopting from Foster Care. Getting your license to adopt through foster care is free. (The only expense we incurred was $20 for background checks) 

All the reasons we were waiting went out the window in a matter of a week. The more I researched, called and asked, and got answers, the more I realized there was no reason to wait. There were 107,918 reasons to take the risk and step out on this journey to adopt. These kids are were waiting for us to stop just talking and do something.

In the next few weeks, I will be sharing the steps I took to get our license to adopt and other things we have learned on this journey. We are a few weeks away from our adoption being finalized. It has been a journey. An adventure. And worth every moment!

If you have been talking about “Some Day” adopting. Why not do something to start the process? 

Happy Journey to Adoption,
Keikilani

ps. This post is NOT meant to “guilt” you into adopting. It is meant to challenge you to think about what you can do to help give these kids a permanent home or help in some other way to show them love.

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Read more about being a Foster Parent and Adoptive Parent:

The First Steps to Becoming a Foster Parent and Adopting from Foster Care

Become a Foster Parent and Adoptive Parent

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not a Superhero or a Saint…I’m a Foster Parent

Foster Care and Foster Parents

30 thoughts on “Why Make the Decision to Adopt?

  • December 7, 2015 at 8:48 pm
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    I think adoption is such a wonderful gift for both the family and the child!

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  • December 7, 2015 at 8:57 pm
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    My mother was adopted and seeing the family that she would have been in is a very eye opening experience. I am very thankful she was adopted, she got the best family in the world in the process!
    Takes a very special person to adopt that’s for sure.

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  • December 7, 2015 at 10:40 pm
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    Keikilani – BLESS YOU!!! You are amazing and beautiful and your family is too (I just read your about me section)! I have been thinking about adopting, but have fears about being a mother (since I grew up with two busy parents and a nanny). Your story is awesome and I look forward to reading more. Keep us informed! (PS – will you be able to show their faces in the about me section once they are fully adopted out of foster care?)

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    • December 8, 2015 at 1:11 am
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      Thanks you so much Karissa! I hope you let go of your fears about being a mother. No one is a perfect mother. But what makes a good mother is one who does her best. And YES! Once the adoption is final we will be able to show their sweet faces. Be prepared to be overloaded with pictures!!!! LOL!!!

      Reply
  • December 7, 2015 at 11:10 pm
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    We tried for 10 years to adopt but with my health we kept getting turned down. No one thought i was capable of caring for a child. We were lucky that we were eventually blessed with the birth of our son.

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    • December 8, 2015 at 2:46 am
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      Rebecca, I am so glad you were blessed with a son. Thank you for trying for adoption. It must have been very hard to have been turned down.

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  • December 8, 2015 at 2:17 am
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    We adopted our daughter about 10 1/2 years ago. We are so thankful to have her, but there are challenges. I agree with you that if someone feels called to adopt or has a desire should definitely pursue it. No excuses. However, those who don’t feel called to adopt probably shouldn’t. It’s very hard sometimes, navigating emotional hurts that come with it is particularly painful.

    Cool side note: Our daughter was adopted exactly 100 years after her great-grandma was adopted. She is named after that grandma. <3

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    • December 8, 2015 at 2:18 am
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      Totally agree.
      And that is so cool about your adopted daughter and her great-grandma!

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  • December 8, 2015 at 2:37 am
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    Being ‘called’ into/for adoption is very unique and wonderful. Having a realistic outlook on adoption can help so many potential parents truly understand if this is for them or not.

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  • December 8, 2015 at 3:14 am
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    We’re waiting until we move into a suitable home to adopt. We’re currently renting and don’t have a lot of space. We also want to be somewhere more stable before we start the process. =)

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  • December 8, 2015 at 4:35 am
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    That’s wonderful that you just dove in and did it. I’m also happy that you went with the foster care system as the number of kids there needing homes is unbelievable.

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  • December 8, 2015 at 4:43 am
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    Such a wonderful thing to do! We had hoped to have a bigger family, but it wasn’t in the cards. We’ve been discussing adopting via foster care. It’s nice to know it’s so much easier (and affordable) than a traditional adoption.

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  • December 8, 2015 at 5:45 am
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    I remember before I had my own kids I always though about adopting and I still have that urge to do so. I love kids and since I can no longer have any more of my own I may still adopt a child to give him/her a better life.

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  • December 8, 2015 at 6:47 am
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    Adoption is something everyone should think hard about. If it’s not for you, then support others!

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  • December 8, 2015 at 10:38 am
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    The statistcs for children needing families is staggering, and sad. It hurts my heart to think of any child needing a safe and loving home.

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  • December 8, 2015 at 11:16 am
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    The decision to adopt, to bring another purposely into the family is a good and gnerous one. It is a wonderul thing to choose to make room in one’s heart for another.

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  • December 8, 2015 at 1:51 pm
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    I think it’s wonderful that you are sharing your adopting story. It is a completely different thing to engage in the process and not just stay comfortable reminding yourself that you’d like to adopt one day.

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  • December 8, 2015 at 8:44 pm
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    I have a few friends who have adopted and although their struggle is rough and those kids battle daily to control emotions but are forever thankful for their home and new family

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  • December 8, 2015 at 10:52 pm
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    Love reading this!! I am adopted and hearing the stories makes me happy.

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  • December 8, 2015 at 10:56 pm
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    I have always been interested in adopting but then I met my husband and our family grew to 5 kids of our own. I applaud those who open their homes and hearts to adopt.

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  • December 8, 2015 at 11:16 pm
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    To me, anyone who has enough love and strength to adopt is an angel! Such a beautiful thing!

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  • January 2, 2016 at 5:37 pm
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    When our best friends had three little ones placed with them we had no idea the journey we would be taking. We had a similar revelation and over the next few months decided to not only adopt these three but their other 5 siblings. We are 18 months into a long process that has been very challenging but are getting close to all 8 placed with us in foster care with the goal of adoption this year was the first Christmas these kids had spent together in 3 years. What a joy to see all of them together having Christmas dinner at our long dining room table. There are so many kids that just need someone to care. While not dimple and easy it is worth every minute invested.

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    • January 2, 2016 at 6:06 pm
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      That is a beautiful story of love! Thank you for sharing! I am sure that your journey has not been full of ups and downs. Keep loving those babies! May God richly bless you for it.

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  • January 7, 2016 at 2:47 am
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    Thank you for such a great post! My husband and I are on the waitlist to adopt our first child and we are thrillled!!! Praying on how the Lord may allow us to do the next step with either adoption or foster care.

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  • April 20, 2016 at 4:22 pm
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    My husaband and I have two girls of our own. We, too, get asked all of the time if we’re trying for a boy. My response is close to yours. I HAVE. All of his family is boys, and they’re ALL having girls. So, to guarantee a boy– we’ve decided to adopt through the foster system. We’re just getting started. We are just picking our agency. I have so many questions. We’re looking for a boy under 4 because my eldest is soon-to-be 5 and she takes being the big sister very seriously. I know that we’re in for a long journey, but I am anxiously waiting for the day we’ll get a little boy to call our own.

    Thank you for this blog!

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    • April 21, 2016 at 5:33 pm
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      How exciting for you and your family!!!! I will be praying for you along this journey! The perfect little boy who needs your love is going to be so lucky to be in your family! Feel free to reach out if you need any support.

      Reply

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