So here it is… My last post for our anniversary month of October celebrating 10 years of marriage and the lessons I have learned. I really hope that they encouraged and challenged you in your relationships. You can catch up on the first three posts.
Always Say, “I love You” as often as possible
Encourage Him to Play Video Games
Date your Spouse in the Backyard
It is time to SHUT UP! and BE HAPPY! Seriously! I am positive that more marriages would be a lot better if we lived this simple little phrase. Let me explain…
At the very beginning of our relationship we hung out with a few other dating couples. You know, the normal group date and friendship stuff. It was fun. Well, sort of. It was also Awkward! It was kinda obnoxious the way some of the other couples made “Fun” of or spilled pretty embarrassing stories about each other. Sometimes it turned into all out public complaining about each other. But of course, it was always in jest, and they knew that they loved each other…. (Riiiiiiggggghhhhhttttt… because the red faces you both had made it very obvious that you were happy that you had personal information shared in a group of what should have been “Nobody’s business”)
After one of these nights, Jon and I were walking back to our dorm and came to the same conclusion. We were NOT going to do that to each other! Our relationship was OUR relationship. No one else gets to know our dirt. No one else gets to know our little silly habits and embarrassing stories. NOPE. Not even in jest would we make fun of each others flaws.
I personally have had others in my life share some rather embarrassing things about my life and personality and mishaps, that frankly, hurt and made me wary of trusting people. Jon knew that teasing me, especially in front of others or sharing dirt on me would hurt our relationship and my ability to trust him. And I knew that Jon would feel belittled not just by our friends, but also me if I ragged him in front of others or tore him down when talking with my girlfriends.
People, PLEASE, Stop sharing your relationship with the world! I don’t want to know about his dirty underwear, or how annoying his snore is, how bad he is with your money, or how much you would like him to realize you want him to kiss you more instead of wanting to head to the bedroom and other very personal things about your relationship that he would NOT want me to know. Because I SHOULDN’T!
Your complaining about your spouse is a reflection of you. And in fact, it emphasizes even more the obnoxiousness in your relationship and how soon it will probably end. I have watched a LOT of couples end in disaster after seeing them endlessly tease and share and gossip about their spouse. I really don’t ever see teasing and over-sharing as a “Building each other up” tool. It makes me cringe every time I hear a snide remark made at a spouse across the table and I blush when I hear TMI (too much information) about your spouse. Please…. SHUT UP! Keep that between you. Or just let it go. And choose to focus on the good or help your spouse overcome those little nuances.
I find a LOT of confidence knowing that my dirty laundry is never going to be shared with anyone else. Jon will not mock me for my crazy habits or talk about our physical relationship with the guys. It means A LOT to me. And Jon knows that I will NOT talk back about him to other women or men. I don’t make fun of him or tell everyone his flaws.
One of my friends, who didn’t know Jon very well, once told me that I make my husband sound like he is perfect and without fault…. And you know what… He sure is! (And if he isn’t, well, you would certainly NEVER hear it from me!)
**Special Note: I do NOT want you to shut up if you are being abused or need HELP! Please, seek out counsel if you need it. Find help if you are being abused! Please, find someone who can truly help and counsel you**
Marriage is real life. It isn’t a fairytale. Sorry guys…. But crazy stuff is going to happen. It really is. You will get sick. You will have bad days. I mean really, REALLY, REALLY Bad days! But that doesn’t mean you can’t choose to be happy.
As I look over the last 10 years of marriage, there were some really hard days. Actually, some really hard months. Not necessarily with our relationship. Just with life. And when life is hard, it is usually the closest relationship you have where you display your stress and take out that stress on. Jon and I quickly realized that when life is hard and stressful we can easily get frustrated with each other and find crazy stuff to fight over or be irritated by.
So, we have a choice. We can choose to be happy together even on the hard days and not let them tear us a part. Or we can be vehamently mad at each other instead of realizing the “real” problem.
Choosing to be happy together in the hard times has made us stronger together. When we made a big move, when we lost a baby, when we lost friends, when we lost finances, when we were scared, when we were sick, when we were fighting for life and so much more…Those times we chose to be happy we were together and fighting side by side. I’m not saying we never fought or got mad or said stupid stuff. But we made it through those times because we didn’t let the situation steal our happiness. Because our vows really did matter. “For better or for worse.” And sometimes I kinda laugh…because we have had some pretty crazy “worse” stuff happen to us. But even in the “worse” stuff I would hands DOWN rather be together than alone. Being together makes me Happy.
Honestly, the last 10 years have had so much happiness! I cannot WAIT for the next 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 years of happiness! And I know they can be happy even though I don’t know what they hold. Because I got my man and I am happy just to be with him!