Ah. Yes. Motherhood. That wonderful journey of life. That thrilling and amazing adventure of little bundles of joy. Those years spent in awe and wonder at the tiny humans you are blessed with to raise.
Motherhood…
the discovery that no one seems to disclose fully to you what it all entails.
In my motherhood journey I have discovered that I am more than just a mom…
I am a Pooping Coach!
*Warning: Graphic. Real. And yes, a little “Bathroom” conversation to follow.
No one told me that I would need to be prepared to coach the poop right out of my kids. Baseball mom coaching, homework coaching, even tying my shoes coaching… I knew about those. But Poop Coaching… Nope. Didn’t know. No one said a thing. You other mothers have been silent about this. You didn’t warn me. You didn’t help me prepare!
Whoo-Boy! Have I learned what “Poop Coaching” is really is! I got six kids. I have been through the ringer. I discovered the poop coaching early on in motherhood. But it seems with each toddler comes a WHOLE NEW LEVEL of poop coaching! I mean, toddlers HATE pooping! Apparently, when they need to go and they don’t want to… Well, they can voluntarily close off their large intestines and hold it in for DAYS. This is truly an amazing ability.
And when that moment comes… Where they just can’t last any longer. Yep. Mom has to be there to hold them by the hand and tell them “You can do this! You can get that poop out, honey. It will be okay.”
I have learned some tricks of the “pooping coach” trade such as, giving prune juice, peddling legs, doing yoga poses, massaging essential oils into the belly and bottoms of feet, making them sit on the toilet and read the entire Harry Potter series. Yes. All are good tools to have as a “poop coach,” but sometimes, you have to get down at their level and look them right in the eye and tell them to get that poop OUT now! Or else! And of course, reward them with copious amounts of candy for all their hard work.
Now with having six kids, and four currently in the “Pooping Coach” program, I feel as if I can honestly tell you this is NOT the worst motherhood discovery I have made. Nope. Not the worst. It’s up there on the Very Unpleasant and Not My Favorite list. Last night confirmed it for me that the most unpleasant was combining TWO motherhood jobs of the bathroom faction.
The WORST is having to be a “Pooping Coach” AND a “Vomit Cleaner” at the same time! I had the privilege of poop coaching a little one who was sitting on the toilet relentlessly asking to help them poop, who then suddenly vomited all over the bathroom. Bonus points to me for being covered in vomit yourself and redirecting vomit mid air! Yes. I must say, that was the worst so far. But I am still in the motherhood game… and there is still MUCH to DISCOVER! (Yay!)
Ah. Yes. Motherhood. It is amazing. It’s thrilling. It’s totally rewarding. But… there are so many, many things you other Mothers never told me!
Happy Coaching!
Keikilani
Ahhh, the things we aren’t told ahead of time. I could make a list to cover the walls.
ROFLMAO!! There are a lot of things they don’t warn you about when you become a mom…just wait until you have to catch vomit with your hands. Bleck!
Totally done that too! It’s so amazing and wonderful and overwhelmingly gross at the same time! HAHAHA!
Lol! That’s hilarious… and so, so true! The things we never thought we’d do… or celebrate!
Sooo glad the pooping days are long gone. They seem endless when you’re going through them.
Currently doing the same thing with our puppy…apparently this toddler thing is not just for human babies!
Mom’s are many titles, I have never heard of this one before – LOL! Definitely my least favorite job! Right now I am teaching one to wipe himself, still have one in diapers to potty train soon and pregnant with another one who I get to do it all over with! The poop never ends! LoL
I feel your pain, my friend!
Oh dear – the vomit cleaner scene. That sounds awful! I’ve been there before.
I’m totally a Poop Coach too!
This is definitely something my parents never warned me about either. I think my kids went through a stage like this too!
Parenting sounds too tough to me! I let my sister take care of that (she has a 7yr old daughter).
All together, my husband and I have 11 nieces and nephews: we hear and see first hand at times, how difficult motherhood can be!
It is so true! No one ever tell you how insane your conversations get when you have kids!
Having 4 kids I can totally say I’ve been there and done that, and I’m actually still doing it with my 3yr old. I was just a vomit cleaner actually not too long ago.
I had to do something similar to this for my daughter when she was little. Being a mother can be quite crazy- but it’s worth it!
Haha this is such an adorable posts! It is very true through I didn’t think I would have to either, but after having four kids it just becomes a routine that you get quicker and better at. The excitement is worth it in the end of course!
My youngest was always scared to go. He thought he was going to get flushed too, lol
Yeah, I hear ya. There is so much “they” didn’t tell me, too.
Your story is so funny and true at the same time. There are so many parts to being a mother that no one ever tells you. Most of the job is learn as you go, no matter how many books you have read.
I totally have been there in public nonetheless. It is pretty comical!
It’s so true! For some reason, a lot of critical Mom information isn’t shared prior to new moms being faced with very similar circumstance! lol
I love this post! This has happened with my children as well!
Hilarious. So many things we aren’t warned about, huh? We’ll look back and laugh someday!