Ah. Yes. Motherhood. That wonderful journey of life. That thrilling and amazing adventure of little bundles of joy. Those years spent in awe and wonder at the tiny humans you are blessed with to raise.
the discovery that no one seems to disclose fully to you what it all entails.
In my motherhood journey I have discovered that I am more than just a mom…
I am a Pooping Coach!
*Warning: Graphic. Real. And yes, a little “Bathroom” conversation to follow.
No one told me that I would need to be prepared to coach the poop right out of my kids. Baseball mom coaching, homework coaching, even tying my shoes coaching… I knew about those. But Poop Coaching… Nope. Didn’t know. No one said a thing. You other mothers have been silent about this. You didn’t warn me. You didn’t help me prepare!
Whoo-Boy! Have I learned what “Poop Coaching” is really is! I got six kids. I have been through the ringer. I discovered the poop coaching early on in motherhood. But it seems with each toddler comes a WHOLE NEW LEVEL of poop coaching! I mean, toddlers HATE pooping! Apparently, when they need to go and they don’t want to… Well, they can voluntarily close off their large intestines and hold it in for DAYS. This is truly an amazing ability.
And when that moment comes… Where they just can’t last any longer. Yep. Mom has to be there to hold them by the hand and tell them “You can do this! You can get that poop out, honey. It will be okay.”
I have learned some tricks of the “pooping coach” trade such as, giving prune juice, peddling legs, doing yoga poses, massaging essential oils into the belly and bottoms of feet, making them sit on the toilet and read the entire Harry Potter series. Yes. All are good tools to have as a “poop coach,” but sometimes, you have to get down at their level and look them right in the eye and tell them to get that poop OUT now! Or else! And of course, reward them with copious amounts of candy for all their hard work.
Now with having six kids, and four currently in the “Pooping Coach” program, I feel as if I can honestly tell you this is NOT the worst motherhood discovery I have made. Nope. Not the worst. It’s up there on the Very Unpleasant and Not My Favorite list. Last night confirmed it for me that the most unpleasant was combining TWO motherhood jobs of the bathroom faction.
The WORST is having to be a “Pooping Coach” AND a “Vomit Cleaner” at the same time! I had the privilege of poop coaching a little one who was sitting on the toilet relentlessly asking to help them poop, who then suddenly vomited all over the bathroom. Bonus points to me for being covered in vomit yourself and redirecting vomit mid air! Yes. I must say, that was the worst so far. But I am still in the motherhood game… and there is still MUCH to DISCOVER! (Yay!)
Ah. Yes. Motherhood. It is amazing. It’s thrilling. It’s totally rewarding. But… there are so many, many things you other Mothers never told me!