Why being scared shouldn’t stop you from becoming a Foster Parent

“I couldn’t be a foster parent. I am too scared of having my heart broken.” 

I can’t tell you how many times I heard that statement when we were foster parents and now when people hear we adopted from foster care. The purpose of this post is to tell you exactly why being scared shouldn’t stop you from becoming a foster parent. 

May is National Foster Care Month. And although we are at the end of the month when I am writing this post, I could not let the last day of May go by without talking about Foster Care and the impact it has had on our life.

I wanted to bring to light some of the fears and concerns that we had ourselves and I have heard from others.

I will fall in love with my foster child. 

The kids are broken.

I’ve heard all the scary stories and worry that it will be the same for me.

Now is just really not a good time to be a foster parent. Maybe someday….

All of these statements and more are things I have said and have heard from so many people when the conversation turns to Foster Care. 

To be honest most of these were excuses not to educate myself or take the risk to learn more. My husband and I both wanted to help, but we weren’t ready to rewrite fear & anxiety to love & risk. 

Here are some answers to the fears listed above:

I will fall in love with my foster child. 

I hope you do fall in love with your foster child! They deserve whole heart-head-over-heels-lay-down-your-life love. The children in foster care often question if they deserve love. 

“Your fear of getting ‘too attached’ probably means you’d be a great foster parent. DO IT! -Jason Johnson

Yes. Your heart may be broken if your foster child goes back to their birth parents or is placed into the care of a biological family member. But what I reminded myself every day during our time in foster care was this: I am the one who GETS to love these children TODAY. We don’t have guarantee of any amount of time with any of the people we love. But we get today. And today, I chose to love the be-geezus out of those kids.

The kids are broken.

I could be sitting on the sidelines, in blissful ignorance of the brokenness that surrounds me, enjoying the whole-ness of a sweet and sheltered life. Missing out on the beauty of breaking off pieces of my heart and life to make another whole. – Jamie Finn

I sat on the sidelines in ignorance about the brokenness of the children in foster care. It was so much easier to judge and assume. 

Let’s just be clear. ALL children in Foster Care have had a piece of them broken. They have been broken away from their families. Some have had harm done to them. Some have not. 

Broken does not equal rejection.
Broken does not equal unable to heal.
Broken does not equal scared for life. 
Broken does not equal unworthy.

Broken is deserving of healing, love, and safety. It is the opportunity to see a beautiful picture made whole with the pieces of your own heart. 

I will never forget the milestones my son had while healing and overcoming.

The first time he contributed to a conversation at the dinner table instead of sitting in silence. 
His determination and concentration to learn how to peddle a bike after being behind in motor skills for so long. 
The victory of having a good day at school. 

So yes, broken, not perfect, but a beautiful story that can be told with healing and love. 

I’ve heard all the scary stories and worry that it will be the same for me.

When we announce we were becoming foster parents instead of support and cheering on, some not-so-awesome-friends decided to bombard us with dooms-day horror stories of foster children.

They willingly vomited graphic stories of sad and terrible situations that had deplorable outcomes. 

However, not a single one of them were foster parents. Not one of the stories they told were their own personal stories. Of course, the news, the gossip circles, and twisted telephone-like stories prefer to focus on the failure of foster care and the kids who have had so much damage done to them they know nothing else but fight or flight. 

I will not lie. Foster care is incredibly imperfect. I will tell you all the things I hated about the system, about the rules, about the general lack of consistency. 

But I can also tell you, that these children are looking for love, trust, safety, and support. 

Drop your expectations to be “Movie script” perfect. And allow yourself to grow with that foster child. 

In fact, please drop the unrealistic expectations for any child, not just foster children.

Now is just really not a good time to be a foster parent. Maybe someday….

There’s never really a perfect time to foster or adopt. Just a lot of opportunities to say yes despite the many reasons you have to say no. -Jason Johnson

When we got our license to foster I had a 5 year old, a 3 year old and a 1 year old. We had biological children to consider. It was NOT a good time. But we also knew that it was the RIGHT time. 

Instead of giving into all the reasons we shouldn’t, we took the first step in learning what we could do to start the journey to foster care. We took it slow. We didn’t move as fast as we could have, but we took one step in front of the other until our license was in hand and we were “Paper Pregnant.” 

Foster Care is absolutely a risk.

A risk of falling in love with a child who needs love. 
A risk of changing the life of a child and having your life changed by a child. 

If you ask me…. 

It was worth the risk.

If Foster Care is hard and scary… you are doing it right.

National Foster Care Month: Whether as a friend, a role model, or a guardian, any of us can be a supportive adult for a child in need. As we honor the countless Americans who are answering the call to action, let us mark this month by showing youth in foster care the best our country has to offer.  -Presidential Proclamation, March 2019

Read more about the First Steps to becoming a Foster Parent or How to Support a Foster Parent and keep the conversation going!

Do you have any questions or fears about foster care? Leave a comment below, email me through my contact page or send me a message on Instagram.