Please stop telling me: “I don’t know how you do it.”

I really, really want other moms to stop telling me, “I don’t know how you do it.”

I am a mom. Just like you. 

Motherhood came to me in different ways.

I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy and lost a twin, but one survived. In an emergency c-section 8 months later my first baby was placed in my arms and my world was rocked forever.

My second pregnancy was a miscarriage.

The third time I found out I was pregnant, I immediately was told this pregnancy was going to be extremely dangerous for our baby. I was RH negative and had been sensitized with 5 antibodies that would break down the babies blood until he became anemic and had organ failure. He needed 2 blood transfusions in-utero and was taken by c-section at 32 weeks and subsequently given 4 more blood transfusions over 4 months before his body was able to produce enough red blood cells he needed to survive on his own.

When I saw those double lines for the fourth time I knew that the risk to the baby was high. But we were so blessed to find out my blood didn’t affect my third son at all with a healthy full term baby with O- blood type.

I had postpartum depression and didn’t know it. 

We knew we wanted a girl in our family, but knew it wasn’t worth the risk of getting pregnant again.

With a lot of fear and a lot of hope we were licensed to be foster parents and said yes to the call for infant twin girls. We picked up 3 week old, tiny babies at the NICU and spent a year knowing they may or not be ours forever, but they were ours to love on today. During that first year we discovered the twins had sensory issues that would require a LOT of attention.

A few weeks after the girls turned one their older brother moved in with us with the intention to adopt all three siblings together. We celebrated his 3rd birthday and knew that he had a long journey ahead to deal with the trauma he experienced.

This was the beginning of my motherhood journey. 

I am now 11 years into this world of diapers, potty training, messes, struggles, wins, attitudes, beautiful, crazy, chaotic journey. And while my story is not the same as your story…. I am not different from you.

Don’t tell me you don’t know how I do it. 

I do motherhood just like you.

I wake up every day,
drink way too much coffee,
look for shoes that are lost,
sign homework papers,
load the dishwasher,
re-start the laundry I forgot about for two days,
yell at the kids,
wonder if I am doing anything right,
cook dinner,
snuggle and tickle them until we all are crying,
put them to bed 15 times, 
and then sit on the couch with a glass of wine and dream of taking trips to DisneyWorld with all of them.

Sound familiar?

Here is the truth. I did all of the above when I just had one baby. I did all of the above when I had two. And I still do all of the above now that I have 6 kids to mother.

I am in not in an elite group. I am not a supermom. I am a regular mom working hard, loving her kids, and wondering if I am doing anything right.

Motherhood does not have any “Levels.”

I cringe when I hear a mom sigh because they think they aren’t as much of a mother as someone else.

We live in a society of comparison, seeing only the highlight reels of social media and the temptation to believe that you are not “as good” or “as brave” or “as amazing” as the mothers we see around us.

I would bet you $1000 that the mom you are comparing yourself to feels:
mom guilt,
loneliness,
frustration,
overwhelm,
pride,
worry,
hope,
and thinks she is not as good as the mom next to her.

Instead of saying “I don’t know how you do it.” Let’s start saying,
“You are a freaking awesome mom!”
“You got this momma!”
“Isn’t motherhood hard?”
“How many cuss words did you say under your breath today?”
“Here’s a glass of wine and the number to my amazing house cleaner!”

That’s what I need to hear. Because in response to you saying, “I don’t know how you do it….” 

How do you do it?
How do you survive, thrive, and live in your motherhood journey?
Oh… yah? That’s how I do it too.